Read right to left.
Pointless pic to start a pointless post. I was re-reading this manga (Yume wo Miru Hima mo Nai–”There isn’t even time to dream”), and loled at this picture. (BL warning if you are interested in checking out the comic.)
Today’s September 8th. Work starts on the 20th. Advanced final is due on the 22nd. Driving down to Passaic on the 17th. Moving into our apartment downtown on the 18th.
Lots of shit to do, and yet I find myself wiling my time away online.
I’m getting headaches more frequently. For those of you that don’t know (which is probably very few of you, if you’re reading this), I get chronic headaches on an almost-daily basis. Not migraines necessarily (those are more infrequent). Just headaches that make me grind my teeth and make me feel the need to pummel my head with my fists to ease the pain. So yeah, they’re happening more, probably because I’m more stressed.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m 12 again. It’s rather peculiar. All it takes is an email and I’ll get this idiotic grin on my face.
I’m setting myself up for disaster and I know it. Red gives me loving warnings and Salt gives me encouragement, both of which are truly appreciated. At this point it feels…hmm…how should I say…not necessarily harmless but…potentially benign? Dormant? This could never, ever work out. And that’s depressing. But at the same time, it’s nice to have something to look forward to, even if it’s just an email. Refreshing, even.
And it’s certainly stretching my Japanese further. The last email I wrote was (get this) 100 fucking lines long. It basically took me the entire day to write. I don’t do this normally when I write in Japanese (usually it’s a matter of ‘think and simultaneously write in Japanese’) but this time the topic was so complicated that I had to write all of my thoughts out in English first and then translate it all into Japanese. I think that was actually harder to do, because I found myself searching for equivalent phrases that just don’t exist. That’s part of the reason it took me so long to write.
And I ended up unintentionally incorporating the phrase 知識豊富 into the email. (“Knowledgeable” versus “smart” or “intelligent.”) Hopefully that doesn’t make me a total douche.
I’m hungry, and want Taco Bell.
I thought my plan was going to be, “Make it through the first year, and go to BCF next fall,” but now I don’t know. My dad says there isn’t any point in working in Japan if I don’t know what I want to do long-term. He says to go later, when my work experience and professional qualifications are further built. The logical part of me says that he’s right, that I should work on finding out what career I actually want to pursue. And though I don’t know what it’s going to be, it certainly isn’t going to be in the field I’m in now. (While that sounds pretty fluffy, I can’t tell you how much stress I have from that last sentence.) And deep inside I know there is a mild force pulling inside of me that is wholly irrational.
I should at the very least consider how I plan to study for JLPT N1, and when I will plan on taking it. I wonder if there are any sort of preparatory classes available in NYC. But that isn’t what I can focus on right now. Once I finish Advanced, I’ll need to seriously work out my CPA game plan.
When I have more time and energy, I’ll better explain the things I’ve talked about in this email. I apologize for the vague nature. Call it the yellow part of me.
Tags: blabbering nonsense
